More Jelly… and Sydney

Hey poopy faces! I’m gonna post the next Jelly of Doom page, but first I have a story. So, last week I was in Ottawa on tour, and it was kind of hard for me to go to the grocery store and get proper food—meaning I was eating mostly food court delicacies and cereal that I drank out of hermetically sealed hotel cups. I only say this to justify the fact that I was eating at McDonald’s. Anyway, we were at McDonald’s, I had just ordered a rolo McFlurry and some fries, and these two girls sit down at the table next to us. There was already a guy sitting there, and the girls started talking to him. Now, I of course assumed that the girls were friends with the guy or something like that because they kept chatting it up with him. After a bit, one of the girls (her friend told us her name was Sydney) goes up to the counter and orders a burger and fries. She comes back to her table and starts feeding the guy her fries. She’s going on and on saying things like, “lovers not fighters, remember that” and “Borat, do you know Borat? He’s a good guy.” Finally, when Sydney is busy punching some other customers because they won’t eat her fries, the guy whose table Sydney sat at turns to us and says, “What the fuck? I was just sitting here and she started feeding me.” So apparently, they weren’t friends at all, and Sydney was just completely wasted. Our fabulous night at McDonald’s ended with us exiting and seeing a man throw up on his girlfriend. She proceeded to yell at him, calling him a cunt and a piece of shit, to which he replied, “This is how you treat me? This is exactly how you treat our child.”

And now, Jelly of Doom: